I did my best and man it felt good joking with her and seeing her smile again. Please Help. We have been on and off speaking since but met a couple of times in the last few months and have slept together. That same night we started FaceTimed as friends again all night. Once the decision to become friends again has been made, your ex must start initiating conversations and leading them as well. Instead my protective nature was triggered. So, you break up and your ex offers you the option to still be friends with them. I believe this kind of arrangement can work assuming both of you are getting something out of the relationship, support. I dated a girl for 6 months. They just want out completely especially if the time around the breakup wasnt that nice. What should I do? She still would like to FaceTime in the afternoons and nights after work. However, if your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, you may be perplexed about it. Another study found that being friends with your ex is more likely to hold you back from moving on. I did no contact for 3. You need to get him investing into texting you, and then calling you before you start meeting up. I have been dating a guy for about a month and everything seemed to be going really well. BUT we've got 3 kids together. Sussman also says there are potential downsides to staying friendly with an ex. The other part which shuts their ex down in a cold manner, not so much. So I unadded him and also to start the no contact. He expressed that he was really sorry and wanted to remain friends and that he does have some feelings and does care about me even still. Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. We both agree Im taking a gamble, a stupid gamble that after reading articles and articles look like it doesnt work lol but Im still here. She did not come for a Round 2 with that in mind. But I said it first as I felt he was slipping and he was more focused on other things which I fine but I never saw him. I want to hear your thoughts. Your exe's friends and family try to convince you to talk to them. This new friendly relationship had actually replaced their previous, intimate and exclusive relationship. If your ex wants to have a conversation with you, and you simply ignore that wish, how do you think rekindling is ever going to work? 3. He's feeling sentimental. Couples often get back together out of simple familiarity. She left very suddenly two years ago and hasn't seen our teenaged daughters until recently. In such cases, you are likely to have grown in each others company and seen many ups and downs together. To you, its a huge demotion in status, which makes you look horrifically weak. Building a . having loved will always be enough to respect the person and appreciate the fact that your ex saw you at. I agreed, and then after we just didnt speak for two weeks aside form sending streaks on Snapchat-and I never opened his, trying to follow No Contact. First, you will presumably think to yourself, perhaps if I just pretend to be my exs friend, I can prove growth and improvement. Perhaps the relationship did not work out, or they did not want it to culminate in a marriage with no chemistry, but they still yearn for your friendship. Hi, There Is One Case Where Purposefully Friend Zoning Yourself Is Recommended. So how can you climb out of this friends zone when your ex wants to be friends with you? But she doesnt acknowledge it. We have a circle of mutual friends. "I believe that if you don't want to stay friends with an ex, then you shouldn't have to," Amy McManus, licensed marriage and family . Even though you would move mountains and cross deserts to be with your ex one more time, you must allow him or her to start repairing things from the beginning. My ex is someone who needs a lot of attention and presence and Im someone who shows his affection and care by actions, not words. Its all about them unloading how they feel onto you and you making them feel better. Accepting your exs friendship and turning up the neediness is never going to work. What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact? 2. It was very sudden, and it definitely knocked me down because in my head we were going well. I dont know how I feel in general about this all. This past week he called me to tell me he misses me, that he has been having a hard time with the breakup, and wanted to make sure I was okay. Itll be strictly physical between you. It was mind boggling. Im talking about people that have children together and therefore need to communicate whos going to do what for the kids, or people that share real estate, pets etc. If a Woman Wants to Keep You as a Friend, Don't Agree to it. Moreover, your friends do not have to pick sides, avoiding a rift between your pals. Hi Angel, so I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as there is the other woman, but you need to realise that with only knowing this person a month you are going to have to work on being Ungettable a lot to show him that he wonders if he chose the right person. I have been practicing the no contact rule for the most part. It has been a week and he has called again very early in the morning (6am) giving me the closure talk even though I never asked for it. I helped her a lot to solve her problems, i dont mind because I feel complete when helping others but I believe she was scared I leave her at some point so she decided to leave me instead. If you both have common friends, it may seem a worthwhile proposition for your ex to remain friends to decrease the awkwardness. Hi, i was seeing a girl long distance for a month(both of us are 21) (December- January). He did start to try and treat me more like a friend. Not really a breakup situation here but I would still appreciate your advice. Go back to only sending streaks without opening his snaps? In the breakup world, this is one of the worst things you can have. Which in I dont to be honest. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. While fast forward to now and weve been hanging out and talking a lot again, and at first I felt it was because he was really depressed and just need someone there for him, but last time we were texting and he was telling me about how he wasnt really drunk just horny and a little tipsy.i could of just been a slip up but the other night he put his hand on my thigh and I didnt think nothing of it till later because it was closer to my knee , I just dont want to lose a friend but, I dont want him to think he has a chance. If you remember the quote above, you will understand that its up to your ex who has to do all the work from now on. And as it turns out, friendships can lead to a lot of negative outcomes for yourself too. There was still some chemistry between us. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. What Can I Do? There seems to be a very big misconception out there by how human beings operate. He then went on to send me a screenshot showing that he has not removed any of our photo albums from his phone and he told me that even though we are together I should know how he really feels about me. Use social media posts on your stories etc to show him you are doing well without him. Recently, he asked if I did consider one of our mutual friends. Ill be the best person I can be, and Ill try to be a good friend to my ex. I discuss why at great length in my Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex If You Still Live Together and also in the Audio Product on Getting Back Together After A Short Term Relationship. Its a masochistic deed for those who enjoy self-torture. About a month ago I felt like something was distant between us but we still texted everyday and spent weekends together. If you can bear all of it and do not mind being friend-zoned, then it is all good. Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. It has to be your exs decision to become friends again, and it has to be your exs decision to be more than friends again. If not, he will not. It is probably a mess in your head right now. I decided that I was not getting anywhere And was stalking him on snap. It can be a hard (but not impossible!) 2. You dont want to lose your relationship forever and youre wondering if friendship is a good way to get it back. Sutton Stracke would want to meet her match in Lisa Rinna. Then he slowly grew more distant after I left and I responded by being clingy and not responding well to him not reciprocating interest in me. 5. Hi, my ex and I broke up 18 months ago. What matters is here and now, and not the promises that have been made when the relationship was on the rise. Any advice? Getting over a breakup doesn't happen in a day. However, therearetwo principal reasons as to why you might not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the idea. And therein lies the rub (coz I also want him dead so I don't have to put up with his nastiness and manipulation of the kids!). I actually did it to get back at him sad to say. I dont want to hang out with someone who acts cold & we never did a decent no contact Lets be friends for now, and well see where we stand later. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. I want to have a normal, simple relationship with her and build a life. The two times I was dumped, one wanted to be friends and one didn't. I got back with the one who wanted to be friends for about 4 years. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love for good! She even organised my last birthday party. Hi Rachel when someone is telling you that they do not want anything serious you need to take this as they are not investing enough in you, or afraid to lose you. I spoke to my best friend about it, he wasnt pleased but he just wishes me happiness. If your ex reaches out and pretends like they need your help for something trivial, it's because they actually want you back. Remaining friends with an ex is not a bad thing; but that doesnt mean that this should be your goal. She might process it one day and come back or she might not. A relationship with no commitments and the freedom to look elsewhere is a convenient prospect; it provides them with the best of both worlds. Should I have no contact or try and be friends? For instance, if you were hurt badly in the relationship and dont want to interact with them anymore, you may oppose being friends with them. I asked him if we could meet and talk as I hoped to get closure. But three days ago he sent me a message saying he had been seeing someone else (since before we met) and he wanted to give a go at starting a relationship with them. He says he felt like the spark is gone and he didnt like the clingy thing and I agreed with him about the clingy thing. The fact that your boyfriend still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. Staying friends and sleeping with exes is a lot more common than you think. Do those things and well work to get you out of the friend zone. We split seven years ago after a two-year relationship, but we, and our families, are still close. But she is not saying. You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided. Did you accept or politely/coldly reject the offer? 8 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. Read for more information. Your ex has lost love and respect for you. Being friends once again can help you revert to the old relationship, and may even lay the foundation for a better and stronger relationship. Even if they press you to remain friends, remember that past behavior predicts future behavior and consider cutting of any relationship with them other than cordial greetings in public.. Take time to come to terms with your feelings after the breakup. We didnt speak for a few months. In fact, you deserve all or nothing. Familiarity is one of the best ways to create and maintain love; studies . Human beings are a lot of things but one thing they arent is selfless. In the heat of the moment, we all say things that we dont mean or regret later. Throughout the next 2 weeks I didnt contact him, he kept calling asking to speak to my son only promising him a phone so that he wouldnt have to call mines. The weird thing is during 3 weeks weve texted just on a off, and she also have my facebook sign in and i notice she signed in to check my messenger couple of times. The reason he broke up with me is because he said he needed to get his head on straight and because he was overall just mistreating me. If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but youre not going to try to establish friendship. Some individuals enjoy being the dominating one. Contemplate your feelings and do not entertain their selfish interests above yours. This is especially true if they got broken up in a ridiculously disrespectful way via text, left for another person, ghosted, treated horribly and so on. Our relationship is for about six months but we loved each other very much.But last month he wanted to breakup with me that he said he need his mental freedom.I never did bad things for him but when I was upset he upset more than me.Those times he told he need some days,and after few days he was with me with love.This time also same thing happen but he wants to end up.I want him back so I texted him not everyday just somedays.Now I want as a friend to give a chance for us again.Is that okey?Did he go away from me.Whay should I do? Make use of the push-pull dynamics, and allow him to do most of the work. Maybe your ex was never in love with you. by Chris Richardson. He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. If you relate to this, read on as we tell you the answers to this and other questions. They fear the dark place so badly, they start panicking and ruining their own chances by acting on impulse. Since shes an ex, she doesnt need nor want you around anymore. Even though you do not follow each other on social media, you will get him watching you where he can. Hi there Feelings can still exist. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. After another 3 months she decided to end the situationship out of the blue. 1. Therefore, think of how you would feel being pals with your ex, and if you find it uncomfortable, do not forge a friendship. While this could seem like a tempting proposal, you must consider several factors before deciding on a positive answer. Why does my 30F ex bf 31M want to be friends after breaking up with me? Allow your ex to guide you, and not vice versa. If you are thinking that being buddies with your ex for purely sexual reasons is better than nothing, you risk getting stuck in this position because your exchanges will hold no sentimental value anymore. Did your ex contact you saying they want to be friends with you? All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. As long as your ex wants to be friends and only friends, you should exhibit very little interest. Don't Try to Convince Her to Get the "Relationship Label" Back Right Now. You need to give yourself ample time and space to mourn the end of the relationship. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Has your ex offered you friendship? 8. Here are 6 tips for staying friends after getting a divorce. Then once complete you start the texting phase. Yes, this is a real gem of a reason to be friends with an ex. 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